Im dying inside. Which is understandable. Follow griever. Well a couple months after he was killed. I have been tearing up all day but not in a sad way. You move on , try to meet new people. So lets make the best of the life we have. We were married 47 years. There is no words that will make sense of our loss. I really dont like others to judge. 4 days after my 55th birthday after 25 years of marriage, 2 years and 8 months ago. How could you do this to me? And nothing helps, no praying no counseling the kids are far. It's just me & my 6 year old son now. Thats is where those of us who have lost are doing each and everyday. My Wife, best friend, confidant, solemate is gone. I hope my jumbled messy comments can help any who think about self harm. Linda and Anndont you wish people like ourselves could do things with each other when we are going through a difficult time? An anniversary, a birthday, or Christmas, or landing at OHare. This family maximum is determined as part of every Social Security benefit computation. Whoever said it gets easier with time lied or they didnt havetrue love or their soulmate like I did.. My heart is forever broken. Usually a local hospice or hospital can help you get in touch with those who can help you through this. I bring a chair to sit and just stare at the ground. How Cats Grieve and Cope With Loss | Hill's Pet It has not. He was my life. He recovered well, but took his life in January 2018. He had 3 brain surgeries to help with inflammation and to kill the infection out. If only I could go back and do things differently but it still wouldnt change the outcome. I am at the beginning of the second year since John passed. There are still things in life you must accomplish. Im still not eating properly but am realizing how malnourished I am as well. Please do not do that. I lost the love of my life 13 months ago, suddenly of lung fibrosis. I was with my husband for 50 years. Diagnosed on 3 Feb and gone 14 Feb. She too was everything to me. I havent lived since the diagnosis last June. How to Recover and Find Strength after Losing a Parent - Tiny Buddha Blessings to you all and I pray that your suffering is eased a little each day and replaced with memories and blessings of joy. I want everyone reading this post to pray to God to take me. The timeline is based on data on when breakthrough infections occur. Well then so so much has been such a consequence that its like my late husband made use meet. I talk about her all the time, to anyone Im talking to, and Im slowly working on a book about our year together. Its been two years next month since my husband died we were together 52 years we knew each other 56 years. So, my big brother ended his life in May of 2019. he was a comic style artist and left me hundreds of incredible images and left me with the nagging sadness of wondering if I could have done something different to change his outcome. After all, pets give us unconditional love, boundless loyalty and unwavering companionship. It makes me cry to see us dance together, but it reminds me that he was once a living breathing person who loved me deeply. You are always in my mind and I know you're watching over me and mum from above, it makes me smile even though I am sad. I would truly love to hear what others have done (remained or moved) and how they reflect on their choice. Fight for your life. For everyone concerned. I wish I were there to give you a hug. But when they get close I bail out. I also never realized during the entire course of me caring for her, how fearful I was of getting sick. I can barely function and go on. My father died in 2018, and I still grieve as if it just happened. Donna, Im same as you . I now regret it because little did I know he was grieving also, but I never knew because he was being strong for me. He has been gone for 15 months. The fact remains I just dont know what to do most of the time. Every night when I lay down I think if I dont wake up tomorrow morning It will be okay.. I also think it is the type of loss. A second Christmas without a child. We try to support each other. She passed after 8 months. I cannot remove all that I know he was going through from my mind. I feel the same way about Clay. It does ease after a while. How does one handle it? Couple of months of disbelief and struggle. The reality is that Im still and will probably always grieve for him. We had such a good relationship as Im sure yours was. John R. Lewis, congressman and civil rights icon, 80. With it being almost 2 years since he passed away and my 2nd birthday without him being a couple weeks from now, Im drowning. There are no rules about how you . I am hosting the in-laws. I am so overcome with sadness. I lost 2 strong important women in my family at the end of 2018. There is no right or wrong, but while I have always been decisive, I now find myself unsure. I lost my husband 5 months ago we were married r5 yrs. the second year, im finding, is lonely. It has been over 2 years and I still miss him so. The pain is physical even as I start into year 3 without him. Why Do Health Officials Suggest Getting COVID-19 Booster Shot After 8 It's been just a few years since you passed away. Memories Of Mom, Mother Death Poem - Family Friend Poems Margaret, your husband died after 46 years of marriage last year and mine round the same time after 45 years. Sleeping at night is very difacult. My prayers be with you all. I struggle to find anyone whos gone through something similar since its so rare. If I could take all of her hurt and put it on my own heart I would. Grief and death is so hard and it is nice to have a community of supporters. I dont really tell anyone how I feel and about my pain because no one really wants to hear it anymore. Thanks to you priest manuka for what he has done for me! Its an ongoing struggle every day. One day we will be together again. Also I was told by the doctor to take time off my work to look after my husband. The first 6 months I lost my faith and was very angry , then veering to its all pontless. I miss him as much today as I ever gave. It was the Uncle who lived in the UK that was my one of my last links with my Mum & their early life, this is what is hitting me. Just watching and being involved with the babies sometimes . I too keep wondering if it will get any better. Everyone expects after 2 or so weeks your life is back to normal, little do they know that reality has not yet hit you. For the first month I couldnt have a conversation or finish a sentence. Im so sorry. Hope for the future feels like nothing more than pretty words for fairy tales. What to say to a friend who lost their mom or dad - Vox 6. Anyway we are ALLdifferent but for me sitting round crying ( I do at times) seems such a waste of MY life. But I think I am doing ok in my grieving process, just grieving intensely right now. Your Grief is Terrifying to Those Around You, How to Get a Better Nights Sleep when Grieving, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4Rnyqe1XiP0, The second year of grief | How my heart speaks, https://thepetlosscenter.com/our-locations/hampton. I realised also I can now go back to work. I am integrating my old life with my new life. I want to be with him. We did everything together. I took care of her. I am 41 and lost my husband suddenly 13 months ago. And I think of him everyday . It is now over a year, I have dear friends, do many things like tennis and bridge, but cooking, eating and sleeping alone is torture. you learn to live with it, this is so true. Still no cause has been found. Im so sorry for your losses. There are many people today in situations where their pets mean everything to them just like any human being could. He passed away on July 27 2018. That is due to family saying their final goodbyes, and now Im planning what next with my life. Just a few months away we both believe in God and his Universe. WE PROVIDE HIGH-QUALITY VISITORS WITH: We only had 4 weeks from his diagnosis to his death, so it was all terribly fast. So in my head all I know is they were wrong. Id have to agree; like a winter season goes, your heart is dormant. Dont compare yourself with those whom you know have had a loss. I wish all of the posters, that god gives you the strength to be happy, smile, to know that your not really alone. I moved back in with her and now Im scared to leave her alone. Like everyone else who has had a loss the pain seems to go on and on. Opened the door and he had passed during the night of a pulmonary embolism. My loss is just as great as it was the day he passed. I dont want to hear it so I dont go out anymore. Life is filled with pain and I cant find the balance without my husband. Margaret, your husband died after 46 years of marriage last year and mine round the same time after 45 years. So nothing. Not my own plan. My Lukie died in his sleep in his bed at home. I Lost my husband. Take one day at a time, keep your own pace, and take care of yourself the way your spouse would if only they were here thats a great way to honour them. I move from day to day and find some confidence that I have made it this far (although I dont really care) and other people have too. A white feather flew into my hand out oof the blue. The pain is awful. The 1st year of grief my heart physically ached that I thought it would break. Life is so unfair. I really like your attitude to life despite your huge loss. Im now 47. I lost my beautiful wife to colorectal cancer on Valentines Day 2020. Susan was the only person who ever truly understood me and love me unconditionally. I started CPR and called 911 I thought they never get there, but I think now I knew he was gone, I was begging him not to leave me. What am I suppose to do now? Killing yourself is not going to bring your husband back nor is it going to help the ones you leave behind, we all have to travel this route that is a fact. I think that people mean well. My life really feels over. The first year was numb. I needed to move on. The light has gone out of the world, and itll never shine again. Its heart breaking One of our dogs (Milo) a king Charles took a stroke two months before and died. I now know I am normal again with just a different heart. Try not to constantly think of your sadness. Nothing. I pray to the Lord that he treats you as kindly as you treated us. I miss him deeply . He was my life and it feels over. "A year without you has felt like an eternity. My boyfriend Michael passed away suddenly two years ago. Death cannot kill what never dies" - William Penn. Its been a year. I just had my s/o 1 year anniv of his passing and it was really a difficult few weeks leading up to it. I am not the same person I was. Time and Date Duration - Calculate duration, with both date and time included. My husband of 54 yrs. My Dad died back in 2001. The month I found out he passed I almost lost it. Most are still married and although sympathetic really have no clue. I lost my Dad in February of 2016. The little things that you wished you would have done more often, the I love yous you didnt say enough, even the Im sorry, just being able to hold them again, to have them come home. I was her carer at home till she passed away and now I am broken hearted and dont know what to do. My honey didnt speak much very quiet but he spoke through music, so many dedications to me that now I hear every word of those dedications wow!!! But this Thanksgiving and Christmas is much harder without him. I too had the months of legal stuff and find things he used to do and now my responsibility rather hard. The good news is you're the pilot." -". Grief is Grief. I am a musician I play guitar a song that I came across hit me like bricks its called, Something You Get Though by Willie Nelson look it up. Specially because many times he said to me if I didnt get back with him he didnt want to be here anymore. That helps . Scars are only ugly to people who cant see. I lost my beloved wife April 4th of 2018. Cancer was the thief that stole him from me and has forever changed my life. This friend just had to rub salt in the wounds when she observed you worked so hard to lose all that weight, and now its all come back. I hope your find strength in coming months x. Hi. I new I had to cope for them and my own sanerty. I dont say it will not be hard going into the future and I will not say tone is a healer. Unbeknownst to either of us he had a very enlarged heart. Ann Marie it gets better slowly. Its familiar, but different. In the first year after her death, I felt her presence twice, and heard her voice in a dream. Your post is spot on and so true and give me hope and comfort knowing I am right where I need to be. How I just want 5 minutes with him to tell him he was the kindest most gentlest man I ever knew. I just wish I could see him, kiss him and hug him one last time but most importantly tell him how much he means to me and how much I love him. This second year is as hard as the first. A statement was issued on his social media accounts, saying he "died peacefully . Be kind to yourself. When they come, they still crash all over you and wipe you out. There is NO GETTING OVER IT!!!!! Please think about your children and their pain and reconsider your actions. Not at you, but with you. My husband stopped to fill out the divorce papers after I contacted him to help me stop the divorce with my husband and now things are much better now. This ache in my heart is unbearable I just want to wake up and feel normal not this horrendous heart ache! We have two adult children and want Perhaps Ill return in the near future. Wedding anniversary his birthday. I am very bitter Had a letter from Hospital admitting neglect but I havnt got my Husband the love of my life, I am struggling to get on with my life but its so hard as it is for everyone on this forum, We no longer live we exist, Pam xx. I was daddys girl always was. From the day we met until the day she died was 7 days less than a year. Things will get better and you are not alone. They are 53 years old 50 years old and 47. Four month After losing him, I lost my job. Hope you are looking after yourselves in these uncertain times. I was a person with very strong faith, but this life changing event has caused me to question all Ive ever believed. Ive hardened, refusing to be let hurt again. I know Dan will offer a prayer for all our lost loved ones. All me best regards. Calculate the difference between two dates. Then Ovarian Cancer stage 3 came knocking on our door to become part of our life for the following two and a half years then took my love away. I pray that there is a heaven & I will see him again. I am beyond broken and I am into the second year and it is so much worse than the first for all the reasons mentioned by the write of this article and all the things you say are true, Hi my friend . Required fields are marked *. How do I move on. Especially the what ifs and could I have done more for him and remembering his courage during cancer treatment even at the time of his passing. I sat with her for a week in palliative care, with my dad. I guess we are never really prepared for the death of a loved one. But lately I find myself overwhelmed with sadness as weeping. He was my rock. I sometimes wonder why I cant let go. I came on here hoping for good news for year two. Take Care and Thank You, Your email address will not be published. Only once in a while I say anything about it anymore. Waiting for that day. Im in month 25. I will never get that scene out my head for as long as i live as i froze completely instead of performing CPR like i shouldve (nothing anyone can say to me can change my mind that had i started the CPR 12 minutes before he might have at least had a chance of not being braindead, especially considering that I am CPR certified). I was told theres no heartbeat, his heart stop beating that they have to take the tubes out. I pray alot. My younger brother spent his birthday on our sisters funeral. I was told by a nurse in hospice to sit with him and let him know Id be alright if he left. Nellie, Im so sorry that we have to have these losses as a connection. I have been crying for him now for two days solid, praying every night that he will come for me. I had no idea how intense caregiving was until I went through it. 151.9K Likes, 1.5K Comments. I haven't stopped crying since you went away, and I've asked God time and time why you couldn't stay. But I will say that youll come to see the pain differently, itll mutate and one day youll find that the furst thing you do when you think of him or hear his name is smile, not cry. That is a revealing statement and I think your church, which is a family, will prove to be a lifesaver. Im not sure if people are afraid to ask me over to their house or what. What hurts me the most is that I wasnt with him when he died. Once the anniversary of her death rolled around, I felt like the clouds lifted a little, and I wanted to be social, learn some new stuff, and even date. I was able to bury him next to his father. My mums been gone 7 years tomorrow she passed away 23/03/2005 due to melanoma cancer I was 13 years old I was very young and that was . Keep going- it will get more tolerable. You feel Take care everyone . I deal with people daily and do not like my job. I have read most of the posts..we are all in pain..it has been 1 year 1 month and 6 days since I lost my best friend my anchor..I live interstate away from my two children..I work full time and have lots lf work colleagues..my lifelong friend lives interstate..I have two dogs and no close friends outside of work.suddenly my pain and lonliness seems to be more devastating that in the first 12 months..people think I am tough and have done really well and appear happy again.how wrong they all are..underneath this fascade is a really sad person whose heart has broken wide open.right now I seriously feel being dead would be easier..I am empty inside with no future to look forward to.even my sense of humour which I am renowned for has died with my hubbyI do motivate muself to go oit and am surrounded by couples only enforcing on how lonely I ama person who used to be extra energetic, happy, always laughing..this person is now dead inside with no wish to carry on with my life.not sure how long I can go on for..if it werent for my dogs I would have left this life months agodont care any more..sorry..but there is no way I can tell anyone how I feel..not even my Grief Counsellor..I know I am not the only one of us who feels like this so whoever you are you will know exactly how I am feelingand no..I will not use antidepressants..I am not depressed there ks no medication for heartbreak. May God bless you all and help you to overcome your grief.. This is my first time reading all the posts. It is now year two and in some ways hurt worse than the first when I was in shock. I suggest a book by Megan Devine called Its Ok That Youre Not Ok. Blessings to each of you on your journey. Finally I want to say thank you to the lady whose post mentioned being in Lowes and becoming so frustrated that she left. That hurts. I have many photos of us of times gone by, and it,s good to see him in happier times, but now I long so much to hear his voice, It hurts to want to hear him again. Oh Holly I dont know whats gonna happen. I sobbed daily for two months. I pray all of you that God will wrap his arms around you. its been 18 months since i lost my mum. All this frustrates me on top of everything else. You've opened my eyes to see what it all means. Most of the time I cover my feelings up so people dont know how I really feel. Thank you, Kathy..I am so sorry your husbands life ended so needlessly.I would like to think your hubbys buddy is resting with him.my Katie ..my beautiful hound died 7 months after my hubby died and I KNOW she went to be with him..my 17 year old cat died one month before my hubby.so I do imagine them all together..keep strongthinking of you..hugs. So I know that feeling. I wish you the best on your journey. Crying is healing. The pain wont shrink, so I have to grow. January 24, 2020, I came home from work and my husband (one of the best guys to ever walk the face of the earth) had passed away and we had been married for 47 years. I do experience love and happiness. " People often say that time heals all wounds. I am now in month 14 and the feeling that I mentioned earlier, that in some way my purpose in life was to grieve, has begun to abate. It is better than it was but there are days when the grayness and depression covers me like fog on a cloudy day. I have lost all my strength without him. I am 50 years old, he passed at the age of 53. I have found that others are more concerned about the death anniversary and the month surrounding it than I am. We were together for 27yrs married 19 yrs. I sat with her for 3 hours, waiting until her last breath, saying goodbye. I lost my beloved mom on October 5, 2018. Take each day at a time, pray and thank God for the time he gave you with her. can't believe it's been nearly a year since you passed away grumps I am 7 months in with the loss of my best friend, my wife. This is my second Christmas without him and I promise the nights for me are the worst. Best to you. If it werent for my kids o wouldnt manado. So now that you're gone, how can I forget; I pray I will soon be better. Keep the cat 's routine the same. But he makes me so happy he loves me he so generous so kind hes just everything I want. I feel the same. I never post anything because it feels truly pointless to share something nobody ultimately cares about. After the loss of a family pet, many people wonder how long they should wait before they get a new cat or dog. I know your husband is with you in spirt. I love him with all of who I am. I lost my HEART Dog Cody on May 22nd, he died unexpectedly. Just to let them know that they arent up here alone. I also listened to grief counselors online. "Time flies, whether you're wasting it or not.".